Homesick

This week I began to feel homesick, it is the strangest feeling though. I don't actually want to go home, more I would like to drive on English roads again, or I would like to randomly phone a friend on their mobile for a chat, or text someone I have known for more than a month and meet up with them.
It used to really bother me when I was in the UK that the majority of people that knew me had seen me grow up, I hated it, in fact that was one of the influencing factors that made me decide to move this far away, however now I kind of miss that. You have to reinvent yourself, you become so conscious of how you appear to the outside world, I am walking around and talking to people in a manor that I do not recognise as myself.
Its odd suddenly being single for the first time in 3 years, being in a new environment, being in a new family, living in a new home. It definitely takes some getting used to, for example the whole concept of living with your employers is something that takes a little while to get your head around.
Also what also strikes me is this feeling of loneliness I have despite the fact I have a nice group of friends around me, one of which I just spent the whole weekend with as she slept at mine for two nights. It is also hard to imagine this feeling going away, even though I know it has to and is perfectly normal I am really not sure how to deal with it. The worst part is I almost feel guilty for feeling like this, I mean I love the children I look after I get on well with the parents, I like my new home, I am obsessed with the city so what do I have to be sad about? And it just hits me at the strangest moments, for example yesterday I was at a party and having an amazing time, then suddenly towards the end of the night, even though I was still enjoying myself I just couldn't feel like I could talk to anyone, I felt embarrassed of my accent I didn't know how I was supposed to behave in a large group of people when the person I knew best there I had only met 3 hours before hand. I loved the atmosphere and it was a really amazing night but i just had this really strong feeling to go home and just go to sleep.
I am determined however not to let this feeling over shadow the lovely weekend I just had, my friend and I went to the bitter end on friday night where we saw some truly magnificent bands and were then later joined by two other au-pairs. I was even able to meet a member of one of the bands and bag a free CD :) The next day, going on a suggestion from the stated musician, my friend and I headed off to brooklyn to what we were told was going to be a music festival, which I guess it kind of was, but nothing that happened after we decided to go went to plan. We took the subway on a route which was supposed to get us there in 30 minuets instead of the usual 45 minuets if you only took two trains. So we got off the second subway and made our way to the platform where we were supposed to catch the third, only to find that the line was closed for the weekend, we then had to go to a station in brooklyn walk 1/4 mile to a bus stop where we would catch a shuttle bus then catch another subway before we could walk the last part of the journey, the whole thing ended up taking us over 2 hours. It did mean we were able to see a bit of brooklyn which both of us loved, it had an amazing vibe to it and felt really raw, unlike the very polished and tourist friendly times square, this was finally america for the americans and not for tourists.
We finally made our way to the "festival" to find it being a stage set up in the middle of the road with about 40 people gathered around it, after the first band finished playing we followed the crowd round to the back yard of the house it was in front of to find another stage with just a handful of people sitting around on the grass listening. After a few hours the place was packed, we met some lovely and interesting people and laughed about how all the guys looked the same, all had dark floppy hair, beards and flannel shirts. The night then took many strange twists and turns which ended with my friend running towards me shouting "its so good to see you!" and us holding hands all the way to grand central as we both felt so ill we had to support each other walking. No idea what made us sick as both of us have had this horrible stomach thing for two weeks appearing in the exact same way, now most would assume maybe we had a stomach virus that we kept passing from one to the other which would make sense, except for the fact that I haven't seen her for 3 nearly 4 weeks and when we met then we spent barely any time together. Hmmm it seems the USA makes us poor Europeans ill hahha.